Observations from a CSI

I am watching too much CSI.

The proof of this confession happened yesterday, when I took the babies for their beauty appointment and found the groomer was MIA. After waiting patiently for 20 minutes my curiosity got the best of me. I observed the “open” sign in the door but saw the lights were not on yet. I looked on the floor to make sure I didn’t see any feet sticking out in a suspicious manner. I contemplated “casing” the apartment above the shop to see if she lived there and was ok. I’ve tried contacting her several times today and still there is no answer (and I know she is only closed Sunday and Monday). So now what? I’m worried about foul play and yet I don’t want the police to look at me like a crazy woman if I call them to check out the situation. Mostly, I don’t want them to tell me I am watching too much CSI…like I don’t already know that one. In the mean time, Sadie Belle is traumatized because she is rather grungy from being in heat. She has what appears to be the beginning of dreadlocks. It’s not a good look for her. What to do. I may need to make that call and chance being called crazy.

In other news…I spent the better part of the morning worried that Sadie had eaten contact lenses, or at least one of them. I looked all over the bathroom, hoping to find it stuck to something, but no luck. I’ve decided it can’t be worse than Sassy’s habit of eating earplugs. Luckily Sadie can’t actually eat the earplugs, she only chews on them and leaves the gooey mess for me to clean.

It hasn’t been all about the babies though. I’ve kept busy preparing my 2009 calendar. All birthdays and anniversaries are now neatly written and it’s posted on the wall. Now I can only hope I remember to look at it so I don’t forget anybodies special day. I’ve also been busy with my adopted puppy on Facebook. Admittedly, it’s a little bit of a pain in the ass, but OCD does not allow me to not attend to Lulu daily and make sure she is 100% fed, happy and cared for with puppy points. My biggest project however, has been de-duping songs from my I-tunes. So far I’ve been able to delete over 10,000 files. I’m trying to make a deal with myself that I don’t need to categorize all 89,000 songs before I start making play lists. With all this going on, I don’t even have time to work. Actually, I have a couple of interviews this week. We’ll see where that leads. I’m not anticipating anything exciting until after the holidays.

Well, I need to get back to the CSI marathon on Spike. I have a little crush on Grissom.

Observations on Moving

Number of PODs loaded and picked up…2

Number of boxes packed…more than 100

Number of movers who didn’t show up on moving day…2

Number of expletives said when I couldn’t reach them on the phone or by email…lost count

Number of ugly references I’m going to leave on Craigslist about them…1

Number of amazing friends who gave up their Friday night to come over and help us finish loading…1

Number of neighbors who brought goodie baskets and helped with all kinds of annoying errands I needed…1

Number of rolls of packing tape used…14

Number of times Glenn said he could see my cleavage when I bent over…3

Number of escaped babies running around the neighborhood who had to be recaptured…1 (Sadie Belle)

Number of packing peanuts I spilled in the garage…more than 1000

Number of pounds lost sweating while I packed and moved…don’t know, I packed the scale

Number of days left in Minnesota …6

Number of really good friends and people I’ll miss here…too many to mention!

Observations from the ER

I’ve uncovered my missing 50 pairs of black socks. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have them put away properly in their assigned tote in the closet. I don’t know what bothered me more, that they were missing, or that the tote was empty, thus throwing off the balance of the entire closet. In any event, crisis averted. Winter has arrived in Ohio and I’m very happy to say there have been no weather hysterics over the 32 degrees we’ve been experiencing. I’m in a bit of a pickle though because all the parka type clothing I bought for the Minnesota winter is way too hot here. I can’t decide if I want to have warm sweats or comfy sweats on because my internal temperature changes every 30 minutes. It’s annoying. Eventually I’ll adjust.

In other news, we had some excitement this week. Glenn had the unfortunate experience of having a kidney stone. It was as traumatic as you can imagine and culminated in our spending most of Monday in the emergency room with some very scary people. There was the group of Muslim women gathered in one corner, apparently having some type of religious experience. It started out as a group of 3 and ended up being 8 or 9. There was the couple wearing matching Dr. masks over their mouth and nose as if they feared the cooties in the room. There was a woman wearing a hideous pair of culottes with a hoodie that did not match whatsoever and her daughter who had flannel pajama pants on with a sweater and looked as if she did not own a hairbrush. There was the bleeder who came in and got to cut in front of everyone else (bastard), and finally a man in a wheelchair who I thought had expired numerous times. I entertained myself by trying to see if he was still breathing every few minutes or so. I would have moved closer so it would be easier to detect, but the other game I played while waiting was to figure out who had showered that day and who had not. He had not. I had to Lysol myself down when I finally got home. I could not believe I got caught in a waiting room without a book. I spent an enormous amount of time disgusted with myself for my poor planning. Glenn was no help in passing the time as he was hunched in extreme pain for the two hours we sat there. I don’t know if you realize this, but when one is passing a kidney stone they are not much fun to be around at all. I will tell you though, the Ranger was very stoic, much more so than I would have been. He wouldn’t even sit in the wheelchair to take the mile long walk from the ER to get a CAT scan. He walked like the bad ass he is, even with an IV in his arm for the pain. I would have been much more dramatic, and almost asked if I could ride in the wheelchair if he wasn’t going to because my foot was hurting. I had the good sense to remember it was not all about me and kept my mouth shut.

There was some drama personally this week. My laptop had to be wiped clean because I had about 750 million viruses. This was no bueno. I had to actually read my instruction manual to figure out how to transfer my contacts back to outlook, and I still don’t have my printer working properly. Don’t even get me started on my itunes. It’s TRAGIC! I have graduated to having over 100,000 songs, and I’ll have to recreate my itunes library once I have a new computer. My personal tech support person has advised me my laptop can’t support all that music and I will have to wait until he builds me a new computer. It’s just so awful! I have not been able to add any songs to my ipod for almost two months. I can’t even talk about it any more I’m so distraught.

Observations from someone with OCD

I've been unpacking and having a moment of self discovery. Well, it's not anything I didn't really know already, but when you see it firsthand…it's a different experience. We all know I'm OCD. I own this, but as I unpack 7 pairs of scissors, 10 new notebooks and enough pens for a third world country I can only shake my head at my own madness. This is all after I did a HUGE purge of crap before leaving Minnesota! In Minnesota I said goodbye to the collection of safety pins I had removed from my dry cleaning. I happily discarded old bills, receipts and instruction manuals for items I no longer own. I donated over 30 bags of clothes over the past 4 months and still I have more than 10 huge boxes of clothes to unpack, and that doesn't count my business clothes. I am hopeless! And while we're at it, what is the deal with my obsession with boxes? I have so many "cute" boxes I could open a store. Yesterday I actually threw away a shoe box I had been saving because it is "sturdy". Not even 5 minutes later my crazy ass dug that box out of the trash because I had found a use for it. Looks like I have some things to work on personally.

Observations from Ohio

In Ohio chocolate glazed donuts are called “chocolate dipped”. I didn’t read this in “New Ohio Residence for Dummies”. Really I stumbled upon the information by accident. One of the fun things about moving to a new state is being introduced to a variety of unknown drive thru places. There was a consistent long line at every “Tim Horton” I drove past, so I figured they were either selling crack, or something yummy. Being adventurous, I got in line without knowing the menu offerings. I was pleasantly surprised to see this was a “Dunkin Donuts” kind of place. I placed my order for two chocolate glazed donuts and waited with anticipation for the bag of goodness to be handed through the window after I paid my $1.53. Imagine my shock when I looked in my bag and found two lumps that felt and looked like black coal with some type of glaze on top. The cashier, who happened to be missing essential front teeth, must have noticed my dismay and asked if something was wrong. After explaining my expectation, she smugly informed me that what I wanted was chocolate dipped. Now I know…and so do you.

Observations from a Busy Blogger

Ok Folks, I have really screwed the pooch on consistently writing here. In order to atone, I will be publishing some past observations here that didn't get posted. I am new to the blogging thing, and will hopefully be more on top of it in the future. Enjoy these re-runs until I return from hiatus.

I Don't Want to Brag...

I don't want to brag, but I've saved 24 feet of rain forest. I haven't seen the actual 24 feet I've saved, but the Facebook application I use is keeping track of it for me. I have been faithfully sending virtual plants to people so I hope it isn't a big fat lie. I worry about the honesty of charities. When I'm watching TV and a "Save the Children" commercial comes on, showing some precious child with flies buzzing around, I think about making the call. I would probably be more likely to make the call if the commercial wasn't quite as long though. First they have to show how they have no water, then the dirt road dust flying about while they tell you the child has no shoes. It ends showing how the poor child is now in school, and how you'll get a photo to look at and get letters from a child in need. How do you know they are not sending the same damn photo to everyone. I can just imagine getting my orphans photo in the mail, then going over to a friends house and seeing my orphan on her refrigerator too...same damn letter and all! You never know. I don't like feeling manipulated by commercials. The worst one lately is with Sarah McLaughin and the abused animals. I do not want to see a cute little puppy who is missing a leg, or only has one eye. That's just wrong! The worst offense of this commercial is that they use my favorite Sara McLaughin song as the background music. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

The way I see it, If I'm going to be manipulated, I'll look at my two little cuties who beg to go in and out all day long. If the orphans need shoes, send the millions of pairs donated to Goodwill over there, and while you're at it, send a can of Raid to deal with the flies.

I guess tonight I am a bitchy, bitter blogger.

FOOTNOTE

I'm adding a footnote because I received a comment and I wanted to respond. I am a supporter to eliminate all things inhumane and unjust in the world. I simply cannot bear the thought of the ugly things I know are in the world. If I could, I would fix everything. My personal cause is domestic violence and I regularly contribute whatever I am able. That being said, my comments yesterday were intended to be a statement about being manipulated by the media. In my opinion, the only people who respond to those emotional commercials are the people already aware and touched by those issues. They are intended to pull the heartstrings of compassionate viewers, and those without compassion will not be moved by them anyway. In Nancy's America, those in need would be supported primarily by the work and efforts of people in prisons. The way I see it, what could be a more perfect way to give back to a community and do restitution for their crimes. The commercials claim 27 cents a day can make a difference...that's about what an inmate earns. It makes sense to me.

I really appreciate the comments, and I hope anyone reading this little blog will continue to feel free to let me know what's on their mind...as I do when I write.

And so begins 2009

I am an inconsistent blogger.

It's true I could never earn a living writing...unless I were independently wealthy, which I'm not. If I'm not in the mood, I can't even write the alphabet. The good news is I get very excited about the new year and beginning a new journal. My personal best is the year I wrote every day up until the end of March. Last year was my worst effort, writing only on January 1. If you're going to start an office pool to see how long I make it this year...now is the time. I try to keep my OCD in check at this time of year. I am reminded of the year I bought all these "thought of the day" books and tried to journal about them. Here is an excerpt:

January 7, 1999
I came very close to not writing tonight. It's 5:45 AM and I am so tired. All three books touched on good points, so I'll recap. "Simple Abundance" asked do you know what makes you happy. How can you know if you're truly happy if you don't know what it takes to make you happy. "Letting Go" talked about hurt, and feeling hurt. It said to stop blaming others when we feel hurt and accept responsibility for our feelings. (Much easier said than done) "When Women Do Too Much" talked about being rigid and how people hate to change. Changes in life are not only possible but necessary and keeps one within the "stream of life". What I believe...[I didn't even finish the entry]

By January 26th the entry read "Visualize a mirror, blah, blah, blah." 1999's journal ended on February 3. As you can see, I tend to set the bar too high for myself and then get upset that I didn't follow through. Sometimes I suck.

I bought two calendars yesterday. One is a magnetic poetry hanging style. I get this one every year. I will admit I have only used the provided magnets to make a poem a couple of times, but I like the style of it. It's becoming more of a challenge each year to find it though. I thought I was going to have trauma this year but luckily, the crisis was averted. The second calendar is the desk top variety. It's titled "Getting in Touch with your Inner Bitch". It had my name written all over it. I spent a lot of 2008 trying to placate other people. The way I see it, life is too short to run around trying to watch after everyone else's well being. I resolve that 2009 will be more about making myself happy. That is my only resolution. Ten years later, I will finish my thought from that 1999 entry...What I believe is that if I focus on making myself happy, everything else will fall into place. [Better late than never.]

And so it begins...2009

Final thoughts from my new calendar:

Confident, smart, dignified, in touch. Good way to start the year. Happy New Year from your Inner Bitch.